Calling all firstborn women!
7th Eldest Daughter Retreat 27-30 March, 2026 at Findhorn, Scotland
Being the firstborn, our upbringing often shapes us into serious, caring and capable women. With ‘responsibility’ as our middle name, we quickly find ourselves in positions of leadership.
In this retreat, you will connect with other eldest daughters who share your personal and professional life experiences. Together, we will dive into which qualities we wish to keep, and which to tune down for greater freedom and realizing our full potential.
We’re thrilled to have leadership development expert and long-term Findhorn resident, Dr Gill Emslie, again as our facilitator. As initiator and co-author of the book on the firstborn life path, I will co-host.
Once more, our gathering spot is the beautiful and inspiring Findhorn ecovillage and community. We will reside at the Park, a lovely walk through woods and dunes away from the sea. Find more on this pioneering place here.
Your ticket includes all sessions, delicious lunches, and dinners. We’ll also help you find the perfect accommodation to suit your needs. Book directly at TryBooking and receive confirmation and guidance to travel and accommodations, so you can start to plan your trip.
If you have questions about the program or travelling together from the Netherlands, please drop me a mail at lisette@lisetteschuitemaker.com
We have 24 spaces available and can’t wait to welcome you to this transformative circle!
Weekly podcast - The Year of Being 70
The idea to do a weekly podcast with me about being 70, came to my friend Lucy McCarraher fully formed. Our mothers were lifelong friends and we’ve known each other since we were eight. Yet, there were times we didn’t see much of one another as we have led and lead very different lives. Lucy married young, had children, married again and adopted whilst working in publishing, writing books and setting up and running multiple companies. I am a former entrepreneur who has turned healer, impact investor, board member and steward. In a committed partnership for thirty years, I have no children.
As old friends and eldest daughters, we speak openly about the decades we have lived through, the choices we made and are still making, and whatever else comes up when we meet on Tuesday mornings to record. May you enjoy listening.
On the Going Conscious Podcast
Steering money to affirm life
I am long intrigued by money, by how it evokes fears and hopes, and especially about how it can be a force for good. I was delighted to be invited to share my personal history and my views on the life-affirming capacities of money on episode #163 of Nikki Trott’s interesting podcast series. Nikki is the ideal host who asks penetrating questions and listens deeply. Enjoy!
Listen on the channel of your choice through this link.
Featured on Other Words
I am honored to be included on this website that celebrates authors identifying as a non-parent. There’s a wealth here of reflections of sixty of us on how publishing our work and telling our stories positively impacted our identity and self-image. The project is delivered by the NoMo Book Club, a curated collection of publications focusing on childlessness and childfree themes. As you may know, NoMo as a term was coined by childess advocate Jody Day.
https://thenomobookclub.wixsite.com/otherwords/interviews5/lisetteschuitemaker
6th Eldest Daughter Retreat March 21-24, 2025 at Findhorn, Scotland
Here’s a wonderful description of the ’25 retreat that Jessica posted on LinkedIn:
“Have you ever revisited a childhood dream, only to discover it holds deeper truths than you imagined? Recently, I travelled to Findhorn, a legendary Scottish community known for its magical gardens. As a child captivated by spirits and mysteries, Findhorn always held a special place in my imagination. But when I finally arrived, the reality looked starkly different. Yet, in the midst of askes and disillusionment, Findhorn revealed a profound lesson about resilience, authenticity, and finding clarity in our life’s story. A big thank you for organizing the Eldest Daughter Retreat and for excellent leadership. To my dear peer firstborn women for holding space for one another. It was an unforgettable experience.”
And Manon wrote, “I got to spend time with 20 likeminded Eldest Daughters and found out that most of the characteristics I thought we’re my own are shared with these amazing women 😊 Some of these are really helpful and some of them possibly a little less 🤭 The first day was all about exploring the origins of the Eldest Daughter Effect and finding out our Life Assignment & Leadership styles. The second day started with Taizé singing and dancing which aren’t the things I’m known for 😂 But I was happy I stepped out of my comfort zone, because being surrounded by so many loving people while learning traditional dances and making music was one of the highlights of this retreat. The theme of day 2 was about letting go: what is holding us back from making an even bigger impact? The day ended with a campfire to leave behind things that aren’t helping you. 🔥 The third day was all about emerging our new selves! 🥰
Mail me if you wish to be kept up to date on the March ’26 retreat or to reserve your spot.
It’s Time We Acknowledge That Older Sisters Are The Backbone Of Society
“Finally, there’s an ‘eldest daughter revolution’ happening,” writes Huffington Post’s Brittany Wong. “It’s time we acknowledge that older sisters are the backbone of society.” She consulted us for the article in which she also portrays three other eldest daughters. They saw themselves as their mother’s assistant, became the peacemaker in the family, the one who picks up the slack. Until they set a boundary and take a step back. Our identity is so much more than ‘big sister’, the journalist concludes.
5th Eldest Daughter Retreat March 25-29, 2023 at the Findhorn Foundation, Scotland
From the first sharing circle to the last, this retreat will make you feel at home with women you’ve never met yet recognize and identify with since we’re all firstborns. This retreat sprang from the book I co-authored with my fellow-firstborn friend Wies Enthoven, The Eldest Daughter Effect. To conduct our research, we had organized a day for eldest daughters only and through this annual retreat we repeat that connective experience. Come and join us in this exploration led by Gill Emslie, PhD, eldest of four. Apart from group time, there is ample space for walks, outings and self-time. A wellness evening with wonderful Weleda products has been a recurring ritual since co-host Jayn Sterland joined the program. If you are interested or have questions, please drop me a mail at lisette@lisetteschuitemaker.com
Featuring in documentary on Beatrix: The Queen Who Gave Up The Crown
TEDx Talk
Using world leaders as examples, in this engaging and funny TEDx Talk Lisette Schuitemaker shares powerful insights into how our place in the birth order forms and shapes us – and how we can avoid the birth order blind spot. Her talk ends with 3 tips on how to navigate family gatherings and have a great time with our siblings.
Lucy McCarraher & Lisette Schuitemaker about The Eldest Daughter Effect
Our mothers were best friends, even though one lived in the UK and one in the Netherlands. They had their first child one month apart, and upon the birth of their second child, made us into the eldest daughters that Lucy and I are, and we also maintain a lifelong friendship. I admire Lucy for her zest in getting professional women to publish what they know, for her resourcefulness in finding ways to promote these authors and their books. What a joy to feature in her ABOO lunchtime learning series in which we spoke about how the position in our family of origin shaped our lives and personalities and of eldest daughters everywhere.
First guest on Subtle Moments podcast by Anna Florido
I was delighted to be the first guest on the Subtle Moments podcast of Anna Florido. One of her lovely questions was about ’the energy packages’ that in her experience II put into my books. I had never thought of my writing in those terms. That’s the hallmark of a good interviewer – that they let the interviewee see their life and work in a new light. But then, Anna is a a renowned intuitive healer, speaker and energy therapist. Enjoy this episode that she called ‘Patterns of Life’.
Childfree through the Decades with the Childfree Girls
Several times during the conversation hosted by Childfree Girls all of us were deeply moved. For this episode, they brought together seven women without children from a teenager to a sexagenarian – me! We opened up about our life and expectations for the future, discussed bingos, shared thoughts about growing old and many other topics!
You can also listen to this show in podcast format. Search for Childfree Girls on iTunes, Podbean, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play …
My Story at Anotherhood, A space for women without children
The story of Anotherhood begins with Kadi in Los Angeles and Laura in a small village in the Scottish countryside. In 2017 an e-mail connected them through a mutual contact, and a friendship started to grow. Together they found a shared language, spoke the truth that they hadn’t spoken before, about their lives as women in our mid 30’s without children. Finding no answer to the question: Where is the space for women who don’t have children?, they created this. I was happy to be in conversation with Laura who wrote this rendition of our tender exchange.
Discussing Childless Living with Nancy Wiegman on Nancy's Bookshelf
Nancy Wiegman is an expert book reader and interviewer. Since 2007, she has had a weekly radio show on North State Public Radio (NSPR) in which she conducts conversations with writers. I was delighted to appear on her show in March 2019 when we had a lovely exchange on the many aspects of the life of people without children.
Articles on InnerSelf.com
Here’s a good way to get an impression of my book Childless Living. Below are links to three articles that appeared on the online magazine InnerSelf.com that publishes articles by well-known and lesser-known authors.
The Dilemma of The Freedom to Choose
What Makes You a Mature Adult
A Life Worth Living … Without Regrets
Turning Negative Self-Talk Around with Sister Jenna on America Meditating Radio Show
Sister Jenna is a spiritual leader, author, radio host and TV personality. Her mission is to offer a perspective for folks to find clarity, power, and insight. She is the recipient of numerous awards like the President’s Lifetime National Community Service Award, Every Day Hero Award by the Foundation for Better Life and the Friendship Archway Awards, to name a few. Her syndicated radio show, America Meditating is a popular global online show on which I appeared in 2019. A propos of The Childhood Conclusions Fix we spoke of inding ways to get over our stories by asking the right questions – and in the process freeing ourselves to live our true gifts.
Podcast Childless Living
German edition of The Childhood Conclusions Fix
I am delighted to announce that April 2019 saw the publication of the German version of the Childhood Conclusions Fix in an excellent translation by Claudia Callies. The book is named 5 Schritte zum Frieden mit dem Inneren Kind – Negative Glaubenssätze erkennen und loslassen or 5 Steps to Peace with the Inner Child – acknowledging and letting go of negative beliefs.
Korean edition of The Eldest Daughter Effect
“I know this book gave lots of consolation to many first Korean daughters, including me,” wrote a Korean reader after the book had come out in her language. She was surprised at how much she had recognised of the examples we gave in the book seeing as they come from an individualistic culture. This feat points to the conclusion that the effect of our place in the birth order is even more universal than we had thought while writing the book.
We’re enjoying the beauty of the Korean language: 첫째 딸로 태어나고 자란 이들에게는 뭔가 특별한 점이 있습니다. 그 특별함은 주로 책임감, 리더십, 세심함 등으로 드러나곤 하죠. 어린 시절엔 동생을 잘 보고 나이가 들어서는 부모를 살뜰하게 보살피는 큰딸들, 학교나 직장에서 좋은 평가를 받는 장녀들은 우리 주위에서도 쉽게 볼 수 있습니다.
물론 첫째 딸에게도 많은 고충이 있습니다. 지나친 의무감과 책임감, 완벽주의적 성향 등이 첫째 딸을 괴롭히기도 합니다. 그래서 이 책은 이러한 고충들로부터 자유로워지고 싶은 맏딸들에게 날카로운 자기 분석의 길잡이가 되어줍니다. 특별한 공감과 치유의 기회를 함께 선사하면서요. 첫째 딸로 태어나고 싶지는 않았지만 묵묵히 맏이 역할을 해온 이들, 비록 선택하지는 않았지만 첫째 딸로 태어나길 잘했다고 느끼며 살아가는 믿음직한 장녀들 모두에게 두 저자들은 유쾌하고 속 깊은 멘토가 되어줄 것입니다.
[출처] 《첫째 딸로 태어나고 싶지는 않았지만》 출간 소식!|작성자 갈매니저
Italian edition of The Childhood Conclusions Fix
I am delighted to announce that the Italian edition of The Childhood Conclusions Fix will be published in January 2019. They gave it the title L’ho creduto sin da bambino – Le cinque convinzioni limitanti che ci portiamo dietro dall’infanzia or I believed this as a child – the five limiting beliefs we carry with us since our childhood
Thank you, all at Editizioni Amrita for this wonderful edition.
Conversation with Linda Mackenzie
I was in a Swiss chalet when we had this conversation, and it took the technician a few minutes to adjust the sound. Remarkable in our exchange was that Linda didn’t identify with the picture I painted of parents being over the moon with their first child. It was interesting to pursue various perspectives on life in families that take many different shapes and that shape us differently.
